Millennial Mindset

So perhaps you just read my prologue and are thinking "whah.whah.whah. Like the world needs another silly millennial to go off and find themselves. Why can't these sad puppies just shut their mouths and commit to hard work?" And if you are thinking that, I couldn't agree with you more. Why do we millennials have such a strong need to search our souls and find true happiness? Beats me.

I sometimes resent being a millennial. A year ago I was offered a position in my field at another location. At the time the anger I was feeling about being mis-managed had really reached a boiling point, so the door was looking mighty appealing. Right as I was about to accept the job and bolt, a senior manager stepped in and convinced me not to leave. All it really took was some well placed phrases asserting my "value" and "worth" and I was back in my cube, confused and wondering what just happened. Millennials are suckers for talk like that.

But now, a year later, I'm kicking myself for being duped. Thinking back to that decision, I'm not sure what I would have done differently. A co-worker told me back then, "Don't jump from the pot to the fire." I think it was probably good advice. Although I feel bitter that I allowed the senior manager to manipulate my decision, I think I would have always regretted not giving the office a second chance.

But, alas, the mis-management continued and I failed in my many attempts to get another job offer in the field. And that all led to this. To me quitting and stumbling around while I figure out how to explain to co-workers my decision without insulting the organization.

So who knows? Perhaps that other elusive job would have provided my millennial soul with the salve it needed to work happily for years. But perhaps not. I guess that's life. Searching for what you can and using unseeing eyes to decide what you can't know.

The Prologue

What I did was terrifying, clearly. But, being the very sane lady that I am, not too crazy. I would never do anything crazy. You see, cyberworld, I am a careful planner. Slow to decide, yet swift to execute. I don't waste steps in this small life of ours. It's not my way.

And while I'm on the subject of small, I always wanted to stay far, far away from that dreaded word.

Which is what led me here to this story of today. Today I realized I was crazy. I am absolutely, certifiably insane. But with insanity, sometimes comes happiness, and let's all agree here-happiness absolutely trumps insanity. Every time. Being happy is what it's about. So when I realized I was living small, I had to run, even if it meant I was all sorts of crazy.

So back to my terrifying decision. It wasn't until I was walking out of my office tonight, arms laden with the skeletal remains of my career, that I realized it was completely out-of the ordinary to walk away from a promising career. But that's exactly what I did.

And that is exactly what prompted this decision/blogposting/crazymakingbehaviorofmine. So let me tell you my story. It won't always be chronological. It won't always be succinct. Perhaps it won't resonate with you at all. To be honest, I've always found blogging to be a terrible, narcissistic hobby. But here I am, telling you my story and letting go of my elitist attitudes. A huge life change can do that to a person. And I've always believed that I am only as strong as my ability to change and resolve conflict. So this is a story of change. And of conflict resolution. Resolving inner conflict. And for my performance driven soul, resolving inner conflict is the most difficult of all. So here goes nothing. Literally, after what I just did, I've got nothing.